whoever says they hate hangovers just doesnt know how to embrace them. i'm eating a mashed potato sandwich and watching grind.
the boy next to me on the plane handed me a shot glass, then a perkaset, and told me to have a good week off..hellllo spring break.
He came on my chest. Sat back and said "hey it sorta looks like lake michigan!" kill me now...
Hello everyone will one of you please inform me on why I woke up in a cardboard recycle dumpster with no shirt and a stuffed animal? I want to hear this explanation.
Your godly.
Her bed looked like it had just hosted a water balloon fight. It was that good.
Apparently I spent my 300 dollar tax return by ordering ramen on amazon last night. Please tell me this will somehow pay off in the long run.
i feel like the wall was a canvas for his penis.
My first drink last night was a 2-liter of jameson and coke. So hung over it hurt to put my pants back on
She clicked her fingers, said "here boy!", and pointed at her vagina.
Why is your ex naked in my apartment?
The guy I'm talking to drunk texted me his essay last night and he asked me to revise it
I'm gonna try and get through this weekend sober, which is gonna be tough especially since I've already started drinking.
Oh, now I remember why I deleted your number. You're kind of a dick. Please delete mine.
Does it count as a threesome if your friend drunkenly has sex on top of you while you're passed out?
My boobs are too perky to pay that much for a car
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