after the cops left he pulled the weed out of his ass and we smoked it
My mother's day gift to my mother is to promise never to tell her 95% of the stories I've accumulated in my life.
I just realized his fb pic was taken in a public bathroom.
It was her first time with a girl so I put on my tegan and Sara playlist to really get the full experience.
College students should never be allowed to have snow days. Never.
It's all good. The CSI guy came and I played the theme song while he in was in our place. The cops even laughed.
He took the bartender's challenge and took a Jello shot with a tarantula frozen inside.
I remember key bumps, porn and a mom in my bed. Sums up my day.
that is an amazing summary hahaha
REALLY should have cleaned under my bed before I had my parents come help me pack...things my parents just found: several condoms and a bottle of lube. My mom when she found a condom: "ooo ribbed. Laura's a lucky girl"
Well, for starters, she called the condom a "dick mask."
Why were you eating a hot dog in the bathroom at 230 am?
My roommate was sleeping, I thought it would be rude
New one-upper goal: I have to shit off the side of a moving train then jump off
He called me at 4am to ask me to marry him, then threw up into the phone for 10 minutes.
Do you think I can get away with quoting Work Bitch by Britney Spears in my speech?
I just watched a porn called gay of thrones and I think I've reached a new low in my life
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