its like my vagina has this homing beacon out to all the guys saying "come find me, i havent been shaved in weeks"
He's like the fucking Houdini of bras. Not only did I not feel him take it off I didn't find it until two days later.
His birthday is on fathers day. I know its a cruel coincedence but this is too funny to pass up.
She's legit crying about wanting more sex. Holy shit.
Given my current decline of critical thinking and capacity for speech it's probably best u call the cops
At this point, I really just need a sign in sheet for my vagina.
You were pretty dunk by the time you introduced the vase as your best friend.
he does have a point though, watching you drink makes me never want to drink again
I took Xanax and it did nothing to me. First sign I'm crazy and actually need it.
That's why we don't trade sex for Taco Bell. It's called the dollar menu.
Had a crazy moment last night. Had to get up, run to bathroom, pop 3 Xanax, sit on bathroom floor and rock myself in fetal position. Not my best moment.
You woke up butt naked, peed yourself said something about jumbo shrimp, and passed back out 10 seconds ltr..
Nobody wants to date "Eats Taco Bell Secretly In Her Car" Girl
Bottom line; if I'm coming out of my bat cave to do the dishes and get a chicken wing and I have no pants or makeup on and my messy bun looks more like Santa got leprosy and crashed his sled into the back of my head then let me be. That's all I'm saying.
hotelroom bed is big enough to masturbate in, but small enough to not want to sleep in it after you've masturbated in it
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