just woke up. wallet empty. bottle empty. tattoo in pen on my arm. smell like bad sex. woke up alone. and wall-e is playing on my computer. need answers.
you could tell him that chauvinism doesn't go very well with his gay homemade tank top
I just heard a girl in all seriousness say, "I told him I'm not a stalker. I just really really want to talk to him."
I woke up 25 minutes ago and have been high for 20. Impressive?
You screamed for campus security to do something about the police officer who dumping ur 40
Spending my graduation money on an abortion. Welcome to the real world.
I was preparing to do my walk of shame shirtless, but then I found my sweater, wallet and keys neatly piled under a tree in the park.
its been so long even thinking about having a dick inside me makes me sore
Legitimate logistical question....how did you pee in your duct tape dress?
Now I'm heckling that my belch is more exciting than their fireworks and I peed down the driveway.
Just keep your throat open and beer will always find its way in.
So I've decided that blue balls for lesbians is rainbow balls and the struggle is real
Grandma keeps pulling a bottle of captain from her pocket and spiking people's drinks.. She just yelled "I'm DAMN HOT to be a grandma!" .. I LOVE HER.
The cat's telling me to stop taking acid, and to start doing the lords work. I'm almost 99% sure he's talking about the dark lord.
THIS CAT'S GOING TO TURN INTO A SNAKE AND KILL ME! GET OVER HERE NOW! BRING YOUR WAND.
Omg, new summer goal: sex in a bouncy castle.
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