dude, i just saw a bobcat while i was rollerblading this morning
1 dont ever text someone @ 8am on sat. 2 dont ever admit to rollerblading past 1992.
Pls stop me from telling anyone else my broken blood-vessel + splint are "climax-related" injuries.
If you bang a chick other than your girlfriend while playing tiger woods on xbox I wonder if an accomplishment would come up...
Awesome, the library of congress archived all tweets. Now my great great grandchildren can pinpoint the date they inherited alcoholism.
Nope. She just screamed at me "YOU WERE A FAILED ABORTION" and "I'LL PUT ANTHRAX IN YOUR PILLOW YOU LITTLE FUCK". Best mother award ever
Ia nefed hefelkp i am a taxi
He just pushed one of his testicles up into his stomach and called himself lance armstrong. I can't make this shit up.
He spent $1100 at a strip club. If I had that kind of disposable income, I'd make a cocaine sandcastle.
I got whiskey, so I think the blizzard and I are at an even match
i have a raging boner for Saturday, day drinking is one of my top favorite things right next to alligator wrestling and blowing shit up
Well puke fest 2014 just happened
Last night you referred to my vagina as a gym for your penis
It was going very smoothly until she noticed my boner of hope.
So, I just found out Ireland, is #1 in binge drinking. I know its Sunday but this one is for America.
I'm sitting in the hospital with him while he's still half drunk with a busted leg because he thought he could do parkour off a rock
Randomize
