so craigslist just dropped their "erotic services" ads. there goes our livelyhood
She just texted me saying, "I wish you were a better person so I could fuck you without regrets"
Also do the "tongue the pee-hole" thing.
Woman walking into toby keith concert: 8 months pregnant, black eye, shirt on that has a picture of a boot and the words "we'll put a boot up your ass" with an american flag printed over--the sleeves were ripped off and she had a camo cowboy hat. Greatest thing I've ever seen.
i just sent this text using only my big toe
If I say "It's good enough" and I'm not talking about a sandwhich, that's your queue to stop me, you're supposed to be my friend.
ok watching intervention on tv. when i hit rock bottom - i wanna be THIS chick.
You came on your own forehead. Just wanted to remind you that.
I was the one passing out cake at the bars
Was my shirt on fire at any point last night? Because I'm fairly sure my shirt was on fire.
Just discovered evidence of drunken eBay bid. Drunk Mike did pretty good -- I'm getting a new sleeping bag.
should i save it for someone special or be a feminist and be like "my vagina doesnt define me"
I seriously need to grocery shop. I have a slice of cheese, and alcohol.
I’m going to Lewinsky this place
That makes no sense, but it sounds terrifying
I think I'm the first girl to break a bed with a guy, without even having sex with him while doing so.
Randomize
