guess who came home with a hottie last night
Def drugged
Did he leave or is he still there?
He left right away, I might have passed out. I saw your text and was like who left where? Then the oh shit feeling sunk in, hangover starting now.
My mom just blew pot smoke into my nose and called me a cat.
Also pregame at mine tomorrow?
She was knocking on the tree demanding to be let in
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At least drunk me was smart enough to stash toilet paper in my bag before I started my walk home. Finally countless squat pees and wiping with grass taught me to be prepared.
i just traded 2 rolls of toilet paper for half a water bottle of vodka. i love college
Remember when I peed in the trash can in the ATM room last night?
Never thought I'd say this, but thank god for my blackouts.
Very excited! Vodka will be shot, dicks will be ridden, and memories made.
Just peed in the fountain while its snowing. Fell flat on my ass, literally my butt naked ass in a pile of snow. It's safe to say I'm done with drinking on weekdays
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The guy next to me just said he wont play beer pong on principle. Im scared.
i thought you were just a really comfy body pillow until i sobered up. oops.
So I bet a guy he could drink two irish car bombs faster than me and I lost. now he gets to name our first son. sory.
Does fucking him in the back of the car with the sun roof retracted count as star gazing?
Gotta say, self-deprecating Lord of the Rings-themed sex jokes were not on my agenda for today.
No, I told him I was busy again this weekend. Eventually he’ll learn. Plus, absence makes the cock grow harder
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