im like that movie w. ryan reynolds, no ones ever going to date me unless they're forced to marry me.
I'm pretty sure you can't just waltz into a walk in clinic and ask them to de-baby you.
i mean i should have known that when i started taking shots with my zumba instructor i was in for a rough night...
You need to always be prepared. Like a sex firefighter.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Woke up under the lifeguard stand sleeping next to mitch our homeless friend. I bartered a summer wardrobe for his last 5 dollar to buy a bfast sandwich. Bring clothes
You called in. Quitter. You stayed at home naked drinking again didnt you.
I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL?
Just sharpening my eyeliner with a butterfly knife. You know. Typical weekday morning.
I'm not really sure if I peed the bed last night or if the cat was trying to get back at me for using her litter box last weekend
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Actually just remembered that solo cup full of scotch that random guy gave me for not farting on him. That's probably why
Sam was like the mother fucking Moses of drunk and underage kids and he lead them to safety away from the cops. He's a hero that we deserve.
Dude. $3 Jack n Cokes AND Cheesesticks... Find me tomorrow plz
Oh shit. My bra is undone and I'm pretty sure I peed on my sandal
He passed out in my car.
What's the problem?
HE'S STILL IN MY FUCKING CAR.
She needs to move out. Her mom interferes with my penis being touched
Randomize