I have funfetti in my underwear...will you come get me?
I woke up to a bunch of college seniors jacking off a horse in my face. Geuss who didnt move in time?
Just saw a british exchange student take a flyer for free dental care. Yes.
They are providing beer and having a margarita machine. This cannot be passed up.
I should do something nice for her. Like sign her up for "What Not To Wear."
she said they gang banged her to "who let the dogs out." the dude left of the middle barked along. sounds like a good time.
We should tie ourselves together anytime there is any type of alcohol involved. It's the safest way. I either end up with freshmen or weird ex bfs. You end up with a large cowboy. This is not good for us
Definitely want to eloquently cunt punt those bitches thru the field goals of life.
gona look into getting a tetanus booster and carrying an adrenaline shot...its going off this weekend
Wow I didn't even consider the possibility of him having ED. I'm gaining so many life experiences from dating an older man
Two really nice girls helped clean the taco out of my hair.
I just used the proceeds from selling my ex's engagement ring to fund my first date with another girl.
I shit like a lady though so that rarely happens
Alcohol won't break your heart. I mean, unless it's all gone maybe
I'm drunk. And I'm alone. Eating chicken fingers in my underwear. I'd say life is grand.
Randomize
