If i see another girl turn you down you should either turn gay or just kill yourself
Woke up with a retainer in my boxers and about ten chicks passed out around me. now I feel like something out of Cinderella, trying to find whose teeth fit in the glass retainer.
Put your dick on his face to wake him up, dont worry its fine.
You said that we had to leave the party together and proceeded to repeat the "ducks fly together" speech from The Mighty Ducks word for word. Soon the whole party was quite and started chanting quack..quack...quack..
Dude also, my grandma got me condoms for easter and kind of winked. I don't know what to think
If i pass out for a while at graduation, please atleast TRY to wake me?
So... Apparently, "Home" isn't the correct response when a cop asks for your address...
Recycling day makes me feel more like an alcoholic than regular days.
You know it's a good Halloween party when a guy wearing a light-up sombrero offers you blow.
I feel like captain Morgan put his peg leg up my ass
Sorry for cyberstalking your dad.
Ask me if I'm sitting naked in a lawn chair eating a block of cheese waiting for a bacon grilled cheese sandwich
I think my pussy is going to freeze to the ground
getting my period the day i moved was my bodies way of saying 'congratulations youre not leaving town with anybodies babies!'
He agreed to matching Christmas pajamas today, no guy does that for a girl he’s not seriously considering marrying.
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