we should go somewhere reaaaaaal shady
Her vagina felt like a horse was eating an apple out of my hand..
Coffee flavored vodka sounded like such a good idea at the time. Now i never want to drink coffee again.
Ya! She had a north face on tho so she was a classy hooker.
we made malted milkshakes. malt as in malt liqour.
We left the house and she said "let's go dick hunting" theres no way last night was gonna end up well
Hurricane Sex Time is the only thing iv said since it started.
Trust me at the end of the night there will be queso smothered places you didn't think it could be smothered
The guy I fucked in San Diego is camping with us for coachella... Awk.
I've come to the conclusion that the dicks in Arizona just don't have enough size for me.
High Amy loves you. Sober Amy is unsure, but she's not here so fuck that bitch.
Yeah like stabbing myself through the eye with a coffee stir and bleeding out all over the office rug
Shut the fuck up! I can hear you having sex over Pirates of the Caribbean you moaning whore.
You burped in your shoe and whispered 'you're mine now'
Sorry if that was awkward, i will never call you sober ever again
Randomize
