How is your vagina???
Double booked
With your butt?
Totes, candlesticks and all
Yay!!
we were watching porn and trying to copy the position they were doing now i think my hip is dislocated
She gave me a bj in her parent's kitchen while I ate the rest of her mom's birthday cake. Fuck. Yes.
She agreed that we could have sex whenever I wanted and I could let someone else meet my mom.
we're on our way back. she tried to pants the waiter again.
Did Kevin really put his bar tab under the name Hercules last night?
The dentist told me I have super glue on my teeth. I'm not blaming you I just want to know how that happened
Spent the entire ride home from downtown trying to convince designated dawgs to drop us off at waffle house instead of our apartment. i told them it was my house...they didn't buy it.
running the faucet water is not hiding the sound of you vomiting. fyi.
That chick who made out with a door is here. Want her number??
I asked the full emergency room who else was there because of homecoming and every single person raised their hand
The water at the venue tasted HORRIBLE so I just kept drinking booze. It was like the medievals.
I will run into the sunset with a fist full of condoms.
Is it just me or is it like a girl gets married and all of a sudden she’s a “blogger”?
Well when I woke up this morning I didn’t think I’d be masturbating to my own LinkedIn profile today but here we are
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