I must be too annoying 4 u.
Lets date for the summer
what?
Dont love me in September.
It has to be really easy to get midgets drunk.
i just remebered that we smoked out my hamster yesterday...
i hope hes still alive. i just remember you give him a shit load of cereal and saying "trust me your going to need it"
I smell like Captain Morgan and tears
Gosh I haven't been pantsless in front of anyone for a while. It's time for me to pick up my game. We need a party. I need some rum.
I had a great time except for the part where you called another guy, told him you were in a cab - not on a date - and that you'd meet him at a bar in 15 minutes. but besides that it was awesome. Next time capping you at two glasses of wine
Sorry I need more motivation then McDonalds and mojitos.
He held the beaver pelt from the fireplace over my crotch and asked his friend "she look familiar now?", he then remembered my name.
I wrapped my scarf around his head and then made him go down on me
And I also said, "probe me"
HOLY FUCK I almost floated out of the city. Thank god my dog kept me down.
And they're not making a turkey. My cousin was "hoping to shoot a bird this week"
She thinks you guys are the gods of the bathroom. If she runs past you naked, give me a heads up
I think I just got drunk texted by my psychiatrist
It's time you knew: I have been dating your probation officer for 7 months. Pretty certain he's THE ONE. So, thanks for being a criminal.
Randomize
