this morning my mom told me to get a new vibrator because mine was too loud last night
i fell asleep watchin iron chef that was the blender she heard. i dont even own a vibrator
I'm sitting in the drive through at Mcdonalds right now watching the workers pressure wash the vomit I left from last night.
We saw a kid playing in poison ivy. We walked away, he'll learn his lesson.
It's horrible of you to say your above all this when the bar uses your drunk picture to scare people.
Fuckbuddy couldn't meet, so she's trying to find a substitute to come fuck me. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
I guess it was to be expected that I was put on somebody's list called penis socket.
I just want to fall into a pit of xannies and eat my way out.
Shawn wouldn't stop singing about his cock on the ride home that night it freaked my girlfriend out how consistent he was
And that is why we dont do tequila shooters at 1 in the afternoon. Because you go home with a beast like that
I don't know man. I fell outside Pizza Hut and an employee had to perform first aid. But I think I got free pizza. So it was worth it.
We played a 4 hour game of True American then we fucked on the floor for a couple hours Happy 20th to me
Is it weird that I have your number saved in my phone as baby Jesus?
We walked around last night for hours saying nothing but nom nom nom and barking at each other.
Dude, I need a fuckin wingman and this could finally make us eskimo brothers, how can you pass that up?
Never in my life did I expect to see Eric's mom in a cheerleader outfit along with other women
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