how do you clear previous safari searches on an iPhone? i asked my brother to google something for me and "big penis" "empire chinese food" and "reverse cowgirl" popped up.
but his dog just died...ill send him an edible arrangement or a 6 pack or something
I ride home in a shopping cart. Don't at like you aren't jealous.
im so bored in class... i just made a pie graph of my favorite bars and a bar graph of my favorite pies
Yes, yes she is. This will teach her not to pull her vibrator out and harass people with it at parties.
Text me back. Urgent. It is a porta Keep the portal alive.
Is this the acid talking?
please, i've had weekends with less dignity than this.
I wore a bird inflatable and still got laid. So there's that.
Must say, as a couple, she and I are thrilled that our pretend lesbianism has paid off.
So the guy I hooked up with during welcome week just tried to booty call me from across the lecture hall at 9am. I don't think he gets how this works...
Yeah then you killed that bottle of Bacardi in under 20 minutes. So much for being an organ donor.
Y'know i appreciate how accepting you are of me being a terrible person.
Well shove his head down there and tell him not to stop til we have a new president!
Okay, this next statement may sound like a red flag but I'm tellin you, shotgunning those two beers really helped me love my child more effectively. Honest.
I just kept eating and watching him slide down the stairs head first
Randomize
