It's noon and i am somehow drinking by myself in a jazz tent in broad daylight.
i am about to cut my stepbrother's hair into a mohawk with the same clippers i use to trim my pubes. god is so on my side today.
The last thing I remember is you asking me how to grow french fries.
Just found a keg and a mini-bike in our garage, this couldn't possibly go wrong
i just packed a bowl on a big bird place mat and smoked it in a spaceship with a slide. i love babysitting.
If I remember who won the superbowl tomorrow morning.. I think I'm just going to quit drinking. There really won't be a point anymore
Just bought an airhorn. Bad things will happen.
From scraping the remnants from a coke bag at a lingerie party to meeting with an 80 year old man to discuss civil rights all in under 12 hours bizarrely feels like the epitome of my life
Post-sex nachos deserve a song.
We lost power at midnight which freaked out my roomate and friends. The power came back on 30 minutes later. We are now at the bar having "the rapture came and we were left behind" shots
Dude I introduced the hot Russian girl to the hot Ukrainian girls. I am a UN ambassador
I spent the last 6 months operating under the assumption that I HADNT fucked a paramedic. I was wrong.
Because making bad decisions is what makes our house great and I don't plan on changing that anytime soon.
Don't remember anything. Melissa just said I kept saying welcome to the bat cave
I am way to hungover for it to be Thursday.
Randomize
