capris are just wrong
its like "what can i possible wear to make myself look short and fat? Oh I know!!"
I drowning out her crying with songs from the Beatles it's good for us both. She relives her 30s and i dont have to hear her cry
I spent all night sexting your girlfriend for you because you were too drunk. You're welcome.
I wouldnt endorse that guy if he was walking in a walkathon to raise money for a disease i had
Sometimes i wish my penis was detachable that way i could take it off sometimes so i wouldnt get into these situations
The girl in the white might have stds. I'm strangely okay with this.
I'm sorry I kept calling last night when you wouldn't pick up. I'm REALLY sorry I sang "You Oughta Know" on more than 4 voice mails.
I feel like I've been drunk all of June. And I am in NO WAY ashamed about it.
I've done nothing but whore my gay ex bf out for the past 48 hours. It's getting weird.
I think this shark week should consist of getting drunk enough to actually go hunt sharks ourselves.
This chick had a condom box organized by size with dividers that glowed in the dark.
You thought that you were playing full contact and started screaming "I will fucking end you! I will end you!" and tried tackling everyone in the room.
Nothing like walk of shaming to the bus stop in your bar clothes at noon and seeing the fire truck you work on drive past with the other shift giving you thumbs up.. Brotherhood at its finest
Do you think it would be okay if i cleaned my cartilage piercing with the leftover vodka?
There is no way entering a gas station bathroom memorializing an alien abduction in rural New Hampshire is a good idea.
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