yeah for some reason your penis didn't fit in my mouth the other day
At the bar. Guy comes up wearing a hollister shirt and says "lets blow this popsicle stand"
You fucking left with him didn't you?!
dude i feel like shit
well u did eat a lot of play-doh
she is graduated, working for the school, and puking in the bathroom of a frat house. she wants brush her hair so she doesnt "look trashy". im in love.
Just opened a beer with eyelash curlers... miss you.
I have come to the conclusion that if you don't fulfill your life ambitions you should go into porn
Haha so I huess that means he's a little over 7. I can use my throat as a ruler!!
One less school supply you need to buy!!
I like how the only thing you spelled correctly is "i'm tequila"
we flagged you as soon as you tried to put the lime in the microwave to prove it was really a kiwi. again.
She just opened a six pack of corona with her car door ... I had no idea she was such a skilled drunk
He fell asleep and I'm awkwardly laying here because all I have to wear is my tutu. I'm pretty sure his roommate is going to be back soon so this should be fun. This is my life now. PS. the background of his phone is a picture of his hedgehog.
Should I apologize for the loud sex I had in his living room? Because I'm not going to.
Definitely not.
You need to stop showing people the things i drunk-text to you... i have a reputation to uphold here
It started getting weird when you decided to scold my vagina.
Alcohol and video games. A solid Friday night. Even before covid
Randomize
