I think tonya harding is in my dwi class!
Ask her how she and Jeff Gillooly split the cats after the divorce.
I'm in the laundromat a drunk armenian guy keeps trying to help me fold my laundry. Ah i'm going to miss queens.
dude. she was texting with her nipple. I love touch screen phones!
she gave up head for lent, but she said sex was still fair game
I have the Lakers game on, but all I can think about is having sex with you. Not sure what you've done here.
Have you ever seen a porn where they were playing bluegrass in the background?
I woke up because a stranger was shoving an already lit bowl into my mouth. Spring break is awesome
He came over hammered at four in the morning with roses trying to get me back when my new fling opened the door he just stood there crying for 40mins even after we closed the door
I don't want to ruin date night, but you have no idea how hard it is to poop whilst looking at cute puppies.
THIS IS NOT A DECISION I MADE AT ONE IN THE MORNING IM JUST GETTING AROUND TO TELLING YOU ABOUT IT NOW
I told the bartender that his red, white and blue shots were terrible and tasted like Thomas Jefferson's balls.
Last night when we banged she had nothing else on but socks that said 'property of Jesus' on them.
Everything is a learning experience. Last night we learned why I'm not allowed to bring guys home from the bar....
You told everyone to shut up then told the officer that you are 21 when you drink.
Mike's letting gay guys do body shots off him again.
My boyfriend, ladies and gentlemen.
Randomize
