I couldn't tell if he was hitting on me or if he was just mentally challenged.
i literally laid in bad for an hour last night thinking of what i'm going to name my cats when i become a cat lady.
Theres someone in the car behind me eating corn on the cob & talking on the phone
It's shedding
I told you penises don't tan
i told her she would have to blow me everytime we lost a game of beer pong, she never noticed i purposely hit our opponents in the face every other shot
Its funny that cleaning up pieces of water balloons and shot glasses every morning is becoming a routine
Aaaand my life has been reduced to whether I can reach to flush my puke down the toilet using my foot. The answer is yes.
I can feel myself smiling like 10 minutes after I stop smiling, and that's just like... so awesome.
He drew a bath for me. It was only cute until he started throwing in celery and calling me soup.
Because I can't get laid, I'm day-drinking and hunting squirrels in the backyard. You can take the girl out of Montana...
Repeat. Dildo on the ceiling, confiscated potato shooter, and bottle of yegger. Repeat. Ceiling dildo and yegger.
Also, I'm going to yoga because I have a Taylor Swift range of emotions right now.
Moonshine marathon is never a good idea
Thanks for your faith in my ability to stay sober while writing final essays. It's...unearned.
Fireball goes down like mother's milk. Btw your housemate is naked
Randomize
