oh but the power of the cock will take you to places you never been..i flew to hawaii once to sleep witha chick
I fell asleep on the table at Denny's. Told the waitress to wake me up when my burger was there.
I'm confused are we getting high or did someone actually die?
Just saw a woman trying to order Mcdonalds at a trash can. God bless America.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I fill condoms, not promises.
i was thinking shit as she was saying it. it was a sarcasm time loop
I panicked i brought burritos. Funeral burritos
Your life has no conflict it's just a blur of sex and Netflix
It's my day off, I'm going to Target to check out Moms in yoga pants
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He is in my tree wearing full on scuba gear ... Get here asap.
Did you wake up next to Karina?
So that's her name
I should stop pointing to my vagina when I say "I'm in charge!"
Is texting an old booty call with "can you still get your ankles behind your ears?" an appropriate way to reemerge into the singles scene???
there's fucking coffee grinds packed all inside my pipe. what did i do
Have you ever forgotten how to pee? I did last night. Standing in front of the urinal with dick in hand. WTF were we drinking???
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