they thought it would be fun to get out their yearbook and see who hooked up with the most guys..I won...I don't even go to the same school
i swear to god, this restaurant is playing a john tesh cover of a song from aladdin
I'm like a new puppy, everybody wants to touch me
Dude I just heard my boss singing from the bathroom "I love making poop"
I'm buying a chandelier at walmart. WHO'S CLASSY NOW, BITCHES.
We were all singing so you said you were going to play a percussion instrument... the crackers.
I think the name vodka for a girl is amazing
I am drunk please bring Taco Bell and sex
Never mind I found pizza just bring sex
We got to his house at 7am and two random guys were on the couch shot gunning beers saying we were late for the party
There was so much jailbait at the festival that there was no other option but to drink my morals away
We turned a wake into a bar crawl.
This is not the first time I've recognized my body is subconsciously trying to make pizza.
It was probably bad to sleep with someone just to pet his dog right?
Okay first of all fuck you and everything you stand for because Taco Bell is amazing.
oh, he’s out of jail btw. as of about 6pm. one of his customers bonded him out apparently lol
Like he really got a coke fiend to bond him out?
Randomize
