i just borrowed 5 dollars from my eight year old sister. i'm at a new low
My professor really needs to stop abbreviating. I'll never remember what "Fun. Anal. Trade-offs?" means when i study.
Making out with married ex girlfriends: priceless
I just peeled a layer of cum off my eyelid. Don't even tell me that's not why you came over
We made a late night liquor run, made margaritas and bloody marys and then retreated to opposite sides of the house to drink them. Alone.
You guys make me sad
You misspelled jealous there
370HSSV 0773H read that upside down
what are you doing with your life
I never thought I'd say this, but I think I just saw the hottest pregnant chick alive.
She had a belly button piercing in the shape of a cross. Talk about mixed messages.
yup and then I snapped out of it and realized I was playing beer pong against a 4 year old... and losing
Am I the only one who saw the used condom in the driveway this morning
You literally chaperoned my booty call.
Good news my life of crime finally paid off
i just had to ask the gas station attendant what state i was in... winning at life.
im in missouri by the way.
The coke machine at work is laughing at me. Literally. I just heard laughter from the coke machine
While the cops were busting my party one of them said. O you have an Xbox? Do you play online? Whats your gamertag?....
Randomize
