WTF why am I in the Atlanta airport?
Little spoons don't ask big questions
He about cried when I ordered pizza online. He said it was a miracle.
Ah why did you tell everyone you dragged your sac across my face!
she gave me a disgusted look and asked how i could live with myself. because i havent seen the rocky horror picture show. and then dumped me.
her tits were misleading. turns out she wasn't cool, smart and funny
After waking up today, I would like to find the Jesus preachers on campus to ask for help in asking for forgiveness to God.
i'm moving back early just in case the freshmen need a tour of the school
oh right the one that ends on your bed
I snorted xanax while wearing reindeer antlers. Prancer gone wild. Have a merry Christmas.
There is someone out there for you right now. And we will find her. Or him. Her. Her, we'll start with tits.
You're too young to have this sort of Grizzled Old Drunk In Roadside Bar wisdom.
I don't know how Dave is alive, I feel like he's been drinking since I met him.
I had sex in a panda mask the other night.
I just ate broccoli before drinking. Does that make me a responsible adult?
Not sure who they are or where we're going but they just bought me 3 tacos so I'm staying.
Randomize
