I like daylight savings. I don't care if it's 4 oclock it's not daydrinking if it's dark out
seek help.
My mom just told me to drench my entire body in vodka for 20 minutes. I have never been this russian. no one has ever been this russian
nothing like celebrating the fact that you're not a father by trying to impregnate other women
at john mayer concert. alone. to many highschool kids. i feel like a drunk chaperone with a pomegranite martini mustache
I vote intervention dinner around 6, make up movie around 7:30ish, then apology drinks all night. Then hangover waffle house in the morning.
Someone's having a good night if they're getting gummi bears and Astroglide.
It was a group decision to take your pants off. Took a solid 10 minutes. No more skinny jeans while drinking.
What's more awkward than your little brother in law screaming, "I SAW YOUR TITTIES" at the breakfast table?
His step dad chiming in on the jokes.
She's calming us down by shoving oreos in our mouths
Commuter bitches be judging your sister and her bag fulla wine. It's a motherfucking rosé, bitch!
you said, 'he held out his hand, that means we don't have to pay' about the taxi driver, and then asked the doorman what happened to your pants...
Aint no party like a Broke College Girls Eating Stuffed Crust Pizza party
I am so sorry. Not sure for what, but whatever I did last night probably merits an apology, so I'm covering my bases.
I hate him but I love him for what he does which is me
By talk things out did he mean have passionate angry sex?
Randomize
