I'll trade you a raw potato for some vodka
i just went through and liked all 1,239 of her pictures instead of writing my english paper. don't tell her, i want her to be surprised
im in class. still drunk. wearing one sock. eating a breakfast sandwich and trying to make sure this bottle of whiskey doesnt fall out of my purse in front of my professor
halfway through eating me out he goes 'oh that reminds me i have to buy fish for good friday'
So one buddy got tackled at the urinals by national guard members and was arrested. Another had sex in a port o potty with possibly the drunkest girl I've ever encountered. The rest of us blacked out and won a few bets. So yes, the derby did meet our expectations.
The movie was so bad she gave me two blowjobs. Two.
The moment you realize you should grow up: you're snorting your fathers percocet script with your old health insurance card, while your parents are on a 10 day cruise in the carribean...
Just had a horrible realization. I've fucked a guy with a webbed foot AND a guy with a third nipple.
ders ninda duuude pooring goden shots ov glory. I see em an i dont but there hear.
are you attempting voice recognition while drunk again?
Its like a match made in avoid-eachother-because-we're-antisocial-and-awkward heaven
I just won 200$ from Bar Karaoke, for singing the "Sailor Moon" theme song, and then the Pokemon theme song, also known as the motherfucking ANTHEM OF POKEMON MASTERS LIKE ME. I HAD TO REPRESENT.
I re-seduced my fuck buddy...must be the luck of the Irish!
Maybe whip a sausage around while you do it and pour some beer on you. Like a German white snake video
It baffles me why I still wear white underwear...
This whole brainwashing thing is easy!
Randomize
