I submitted an essay to my history teacher comparing changes in the middle ages to the song changes by David Bowie. I can't wait to see my grade on that.
She wouldn't stop saying her own name. Like a damn pokemon.
So i know you wont get this until you land, but if i'm late its cause i was having sex. being blunt and hope that explains things.
I have a beer in one hand and a slim fast in another. It's another one of those wednesday nights.
and then you seriously asked him to senior prom..which freaked him out since you told him earlier you were 22
I traded the garbage men the rest of my handle for a ride home. Best. Walk. Of. Shame. Ever.
You're gonna judge me.
Howd you sleep with him already
Consider it an appointment to improve my blow job capabilities.
When you get home...find me in the shower. Only safe place at the moment.
He just pulled out my weave during sex....needless to say I'm embarrassed and in need of another shot pronto
In case you're wondering what eggs stolen from an elementary school's chicken coop taste like, delicious. Delicious is what they taste like.
Instead of more alcohol, I decided to drink tea. Lets slow clap it out for me
Giving the guy pizza was a good idea. Leaving him naked on the pool table makes you my hero
You have a long distance relationship and I have a long distance snapchat sexting buddy. If that doesn't describe who we are as people then I don't know what does.
The cat hopped on my bed and watched me masturbate naked with a vibrator. I've never felt more sorry in my entire life
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