Is there a tactful way for me to ask a girl to let me know when she gets her period?
tell her no need for introductions. and that you've read about her on the back of toilet doors.
come pick me up. please. i just puked in my lap. bring pants.
she was drooling, sharted in her sleep, rolled over stuck her hand under the covers pulled it back out, smelled it and moaned and rolled back over. i almost added puke to the disgusting bodily fluid category.
i love how people use prayer to talk shit about eachother in a 'holy' manner.
His housemate was playing a sad violin solo for me on my way out. God I hate musicians.
Chances are I'll be there for your wedding. Camelbaks filled with jack and coke are appropriate attire, right?
i had to sit with a fan pointed directly to my vag for a good 10 minutes
He stopped replying so I told him I got tested and it came back positive for chlamydia to see if he replied. His phone magically works again!
Me and him getting it in is for special occasions only. Like Christmas and when they bring the McRib back.
Monday funday. I brushed my teeth with antibacterial soap. hangover I did not have.
I kid you not. He let me in into his house, showed me the putt putt in his backyard. Offered to play me.
looked it up online and zoo tickets are only 20 bucks and there's also a museum of science close to the hotel.
i'm not going to a FUCKING museum. i want to be wasted and possibly double penetrated... have you EVER been on vacation?
I'm like the total package- I don't want a relationship and I have daddy issues. What more could he want?
Man I can't believe I took a huge dump in a public garden
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