kyle and i were puking, simultaneously, off the front porch at 4 am, and in the middle of it he looks up, reaches his hand over, and says "knucks." And then I proceeded to fist bump him. By farrr the best time I've ever had puking.
gail simmons from food & wine magazine just heard me order my plan b pill
did you ask her what wine to pair it with?
Half my face is frozen, my vagina is broken, I'm wearing only gym shorts eating a plate of mashed potatoes, avatar is on my tv. There's a naked guy on my couch whose name idk. I needa talk to you asap
can't blv i tried using a "backpack" as a unit of measurement...i drank a lot of beer last night
do you know where my other puke covered boot is
Just saw an all male dolphin threesome from underwater viewing
I would rather you cheat on me then you watch this season of Breaking Bad without me.
Just made out with the guy who gave me my tour. Full circle college win.
She asked me to come on her OkCupid date with her
She's lucky her pussy is worth listening to her ramble about bedroom furniture for 30 minutes
Are you saying being a wizard and going to hogwarts wouldn't be life changing, believe in magic you fucking muggle
My sexual preferences tend to require a degree in psychology to understand
I am attempting to break the habit of calling him daddy.
Good News: There was a condom on the floor. Bad News: It was still in the wrapper
Are you drunk? You left me a voicemail at 5:59 AM of you making dolphin sounds.
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