Come in. Grab a controller and a beer. We've got some Madden to beat.
You're the best girlfriend ever.
"Does your mom know how big your cock is?" Worst dirty talk I've ever had.
Good thing you didnt wake up last night. Wouldve found me naked talking to my closet asking to borrow my towel.
Nothing says "get your life together" better than waking up in a tub full of your own vomit. Twice. In one night.
Dude. Apparently I just smoked some stuff that's used for Nigerian spirit quests.
He just dragged himself across the floor on his back claiming to be "the swiffer" help
Yeah I mean its Vermont, not like id be the first guy to trade pharmaceutical services for beer
I'm pretty sure you and I ate the entire Keebler elf weed workshop
There is a special place in Hell for whichever one of you put Ben Gay on my dildo. It was a very uncomfortable April 1.
thank you for being a reason not to completely check out of my life and start sleeping all day, crying all night, and living off vodka acquired through credit card debt
Not really how I planned to achieve immortality, but I'll take it.
We do have a rich storied history of emotional warfare
Going on a first date tonight...pros: my boobs look amazing. Cons: my abortion isn't until next week.
Never again will I go to my mom's side of the family's parties. After the bride and groom cut the head off the roasted pig together they boarded their RV and rode off into the sunset.
He’s got a big dick and a big ego. This could be fun
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