so on my way home this naked dude runs right in front me his weiner at half mast screaming i'm only doing this cause its a 50 dollar dare
No offense but you kinda look like a Jack Johnson fan in that pic
The cop only confirmed I'm .22% Irish. Then I threw up on him.
what the fuck a piece of candy corn just came out of her nose
Yeah he gave the rest of the brownies to the bouncer that took his fake
Found a 10-can wizard staff hidden in our closet. Did we cut someone off?
That's yours. We cut you off.
I lull them into a false sense of security with my gayness. Then when they're vulnerable, I strike, like a snake. A big non-gay snake, with huge balls.
She pushed me over. She offered me a shot from her tits. We're good now
That moment when your fucking in an airport bathroom and forget to lock the door. That poor man...scarred forever...
My heart says buy the granny panties, but my vagina says don't throw in the towel yet.
I banged a guy named Robbie last night and in the middle of sex he begged me to scream santos. I'm pretty sure I just screwed a dude with multiple personalities.
She moaned the name on my fake id during sex, that or she's cheating on me with someone named Victor
Fun fact. I just wrapped myself in wrapping paper for a sext. Is this a new high or a new low stay tuned.
This drink tastes like mosquito repellent.
Third time this week I've caught co workers dry humping. Quarantine really changes people's priorities.
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