I don't know how to tell my mom that I'm not sober enough to drive to the dentist...
small problem..I have a major exam in the morning so I might have to go to the library after the party
so no drinking for you?
don't be silly
She tried to escape and she fell and hit the door. She's gunna freak when she wakes up with only half a tooth.
There's a wake for a coworker on 420 during te time of 420... Hoping everyone will be too sad to notice how high I am.
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I called for backup and had two guys carry him to the shower. The bigger guy offered to wash his hair.
I don't know if I should be scared or excited that I can officially drink vodka on the rocks like it's 7up.
I think we should go through the tsa checkpoint with raging hardons when we go through LAX. I think we should pass out some viagra to everyone
It's like rock paper scissors. Cold showers and smoking beat hangovers.
I've spent all afternoon taking and editing selfies. The life of a bimbo is truly tiring.
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I never thought wine and chicken nuggets would end up being a thing that I did, but here we are
We smoked a huge blunt and then laid in bed naked eating strawberry shortcake good humor bars. We have the perfect relationship.
all I know is id definitely throw up if you guys ever dated so if you do stay the fuck away from me
So the next time I search for "Dragon Dildo" on my phone, I should probably clear the browser before handing my phone to someone and that's the first thing they see haha
...this is why fuck buddies should be only for grownups.
Next time we do shrooms i am finding an open field at sunrise and running through it and nobody is stopping me this time!
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