idk, i just don't think periods are something you can catch in a little cup.
She threw up a whole curly fry. A. WHOLE. CURLY. FRY.
i do some of my deepest thinking on my wednesday morning walks of shame
They gave me a glowstick necklace to wear so they could locate me if I wandered off into the woods
Oh it's happening. I'm Chugging a beer while sitting next to a 6 year old
Well it was 11am and we were walking to the market with red cups in our hands yelling NO JUDGEMENT at every car that passed
You know it's last call at a gay bar when the guys at the urinal are just jacking off in front of each other. Most awkward pissing moment of my life.
You puked on the bar then proceeded to walk out. I told the bartender some girl walked up, puked and left and he gave me a free drink. Hope you got home safe.
Mcnellies. I'm drunk enough that you have a window. Capitalize.
Did he hurt you? I have a crowbar I can beat his sorry ass with
Sex and compliments. The way to my heart
Hey I'm at the gym and I need your personal trainer help. Also can you send me that picture of me eating a sausage. I want to post it on instgram.
How did delivering mac n cheese to my drug dealer become a two hour outing?
You're up at 3AM, right? I have a very important question.
You know the Wendy's on route 6, by Kohls? Do you know if it has a drive through?
Yes it does.
It’s like a sexy version of those choose your own adventure books from when we were kids. No matter what you choose, there will be penis!
Randomize
