New low: just hacked my moms facebook
I either just heard my neighbors having sex or she really agreed with whatever he was talking about.
She smells like mac and cheese, right after you add the cheese. It's strangely erotic.
You know how I know he's a virgin? He's wearing transition lenses.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The best part about the NBA starting up is I get to see Charles Barkley make a fool out of himself for 8 months
Woke up in 100% not my clothes this morning. Third time this month. Fuck. Tequila.
I guess I puked all over my hand too and I just looked at my roommate and said, "fix this."
you went all the way to UK and still managed to hook up with someone from our highschool...
That guy is like a clown car of sexy. Just when I think I've seen it all, THERE'S MORE.
AND SOME IN THE TRUNK.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Virgins should have to wear a badge. This burden is too heavy...
My mom and sister were over. When my drunk roommate came home, he yelled "GOT BITCHES IN MY CONDO"
We're the worst. Two people without their shit together do not make a functional adult.
Tell him that his phone is taped to the dog's stomach. Stop trying to call it because it makes him scared.
Tonight is an "I'm lonely and single so I'm going to curl up in a warm, melatonin and vodka enriched ball in the corner of my bed with a cat." kind of night.
getting my period the day i moved was my bodies way of saying 'congratulations youre not leaving town with anybodies babies!'
Randomize