TYLER... glimpse of last night: leather chaps, guacamole dip, a jump rope, spray paint, and rhinestone studded pajamas.
i think you have the wrong number... but your story sounds delightful.
i'm in the guys across the halls apartment. i think 7 MIP guy wants me. he just got a medical marijuana card. might be worth it.
Hold on. She's wrapped herself in toilet paper and is scaring the dog.
Too many margaritas?
The last thing I remember is him grabbing my ass and telling me he knew where the jello shots were, so I followed him.
btw im using a cooler as a purse cause i love string cheese
It's 1 AM and there's a guy outside my house belting out Bennie and The Jets. He stops in between verses to puke. I'm joining him.
He wanted to feed hamburgers to the homeless... as a first date... who the fuck is this kid
You have plans tonight?
Stress crying into a bottle of long island ice tea mix...other than that nope
My dating life has become some fucked up hydra of dicks; you cut one off and two pop up in its place.
We're trying to make our wedding vows nice but meeting on OkCupid fucks that up entirely.
For new year's, we should just keep our resolution simple and keep accomplishing burpees in heels.... while drunk.
Is it weird that I have your number saved in my phone as baby Jesus?
I've never had to say don't judge me for chip clips in the shower before
Yeahh. im on the phone with him drunk. he told me he found a pigeon in a cardboard box and named it quincy...
Please tell me why we have been neighbors since elementary school and waited until the night before I moved to fuck.
Randomize
