wrigley field is MILF paradise
Just watched my manager erase "we've been 2 days wo an accident" and change it to "0" these ppl are too high.
We couldve played the bring a random boy to lunch game but i made him go home
Seeing your one night stand on campus never gets less awkward. Why is Subway the only good place to eat?
I just want to fall into a pit of xannies and eat my way out.
Feel better punkin. Your balls will be gently resting on my forehead in no time
We are such grown women, dealing with life's problems one shower beer and reckless makeout session at a time.
My dad is blowing up my phone with pictures from the midget wrestling match.
I just started talking about how noodles were so good
I went to Walmart last night to buy some CDs--which is a sentence I never thought I'd say in 2016.
You carved your initals into all my vitamins and said "now a small part of me will be in you every morning" before you fell asleep with my thong on your head.
lets face it, we have a liquor cabinet with a designated chocolate shelf
the last thing i heard from her was "i wanna get fucked by a stranger" and i haven't seen her since
My purse is full of condoms and money.
I like where this is going...
I shouldn't be allowed to be in america for NYE... or any major holiday for that matter
Randomize
