he just told me about his fetish for rubbing grape jelly on his penis.
my sisters under your porch take her home
he conducted the entire waffle house into singing the song Oklahoma. He was wasted.
The only thing I really remember is repeating "I hope I still have a job on Monday". Oh and pulling my boob out of my dress.
So I take it the company Christmas dinner went well then...
Just saw a dude in a banana costume get beat down by a one shoed black dude wearing a kilt...paninis is such a shit show after 10 on a Saturday
There is an empty space on my boobs where glow paint should be.
Guess who was PASSED OUT ON A BMW. I shit you not
Stop it right now
This time face forward
I'm just a little concerned for your well being... and your penis too I suppose.
I blew him while the canoe was sinking...I think of it as the better version of the titanic
I totally just pulled my thong out of my purse at the grocery store. Oops.
He has a beach house and a Simba tattoo. Our wedding is next Tuesday, hope you're free.
Nothing like a dick pic from your fave ex to make you audibly exhale sadly.
Burnt food and a broken vibrator. Disappointment after disappointment. Is April a man?
In my life time, I want nothing more than to get a blow job while watching Space Jam.
His birthday is on cinco de mayo and he doesn’t drink or like tacos. What a waste.
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