Played the LOTR drinking game last night. Ended up in boxers running thru the lot at ross's place screaming "for frodo"
any plan I had today of being a productive member of society, I am officially throwing out the window.
Vodka @ 9pm. Library. Nothing can go wrong, I promise.
Beware of calls from Dad. I just had a longer than I would care to admit convo about the ididarod. Apparently it starts tomorrow.
This morning is cloudy with a high chance of vomiting all over the dentist. Stay tuned for further updates.
Ever find yourself wondering if your life is God's way of telling a joke?
as much as i want to say no i cant cause i need the trophy wife training
the creek. my friends left me at a party next thing i know im in a breaststroke relay race with a bunch of randos in the dark
During breaking dawn, he leaned over and asked me why she would have to worry about her period since she essentially just married a walking super-absorbant tampon... It was the best way to ruin those movies for me.
Nothing says walk of shame like leather pants in daylight
I think its awesome that i just got you to cheer for sex
Well sex is awesome. Sex deserves cheers.
His girlfriend left him for the pizza guy. I am not fucking kidding.
That’s talent right there. Maverick and Goose type shit.
Do you think telling guys I'm majoring in magic is a good pickup line?
You do realize last night you asked me if shampoo had an expiration date then cried for 15 mins when I told you it did
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