Okay just took the preggers test..and im NOT! :)
awesome babe! drinks tonight!
Wait does the happy face mean yes? fuck.
i'm pissing behind 7/11. if you guys leave... i'll think it's funny too
He wanted me to blow him while he was playing guitar hero. there will not be a second date
she pinky promised me she was 18
Give me the approximate price and I'll give you the equivalence in blowjobs.
And the best part is that she's coming home to find that I completely shaved her dog.
It was smashing those cupcakes into my face that did it. Junk food and I don't mix.
I come back upstairs and she's leaning over sink full of vomit saying 'oh my god it's the chili'
The less fucks you give, the more fucks you get. Kinda like "a penny saved is a penny earned" but with vagina.
All three shower stalls were filled with couples fucking and then someone yelled "switch" and... We switched
No lie. I was hooking up with a former football player at UT and mid-hookup I yelled "I'M FRATERNIZING WITH THE ENEMY"
I want the address of the individual responsible for strawbeeritas. I want to send them gift basket.
My previously white toilet seat is now hot pink. I'm not sure why or how but I know it's your fault.
I came home with 30lbs of BBQ last night. I can't pick up women in a bar but I sure can pick up leftovers from a corporate party.
She always used to joke about becoming a stripper. WHO'S FUNNY NOW?!
Randomize
