...she just doesn't genetically have the things I want my kids to have.
Dont you think its a little early in the relationship for sexting?
just took my temp. 103. i wonder how tylenol and jager bombs are gonna mix
I got asked if I was pregnant as a pickup line
And my cat won't make me food. She's a bitch
He lasted about 30 seconds then said you can't win them all. But then he made me pancakes so it's okay. We shall call him mancakes.
A beer is a heart your wish makes!!!
its the kind of night you break several limbs and say you were lucky
Operation "Inform her family she stars in a sadistic lesbian porn film" is in full effect. She picked the wrong guy to cheat on.
I just spent 20 mins in the shower washing n rewashing my body to get rid of stripper. I even loofa'd my face.
3-9 out of 10... Depends on the situation. Taco Bell is more of an idea than a restaurant.
How stoned are you?
Nothing can teach you regret more efficiently than a wine hangover.
My fucking earlobe is bruised what the hell
It's really hard to tweet with a pussy in your face demanding attention.
I burned my tit while he banged me and it was still the best kitchen sex EVER!!!
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