my weekend in 10 words or less: hot friend of a friend, open bar, beach house, sore. In that order too.
Nothing says "I love you" like a full raw dog.
she made my bed before she left. i think i'm gonna keep banging her to get the housework done
He insisted on sleeping in my bed. Had he taken all of my obvious hints I would have sucked his dick. He only wanted to snuggle. My world has been turned upside down.
i lost virginity while listening to candy shop. something in my life has finally gone right.
that was you who tried to jump in front of my car in the monkey suit wasnt it
You were mounting an escalator last night, shouting "I have no health insurance" at people
Semen is not good for contacts.
last nights episode of shot friends brought to you by polish vodka and flamingo baseball. pickles cure hangovers.
Be proud. You give fat lesbians everywhere shower-nozzle worthy material for weeks on end.
Its like he woke the dragon, and the dragon is hungry for a good dick.
Well if homeless lesbian experimenting divorcée is your new M.O., you're gonna need to start drinking more anyway so if that's what it takes to talk about it tomorrow afternoon, bottoms up bitch
Just had a threesome with my best friend and LSAT teacher...just checked three things off my bucket list in one night
How’d it go?
I accidentally joined a cult
So not great...
I regret nothing
Not even Married Dan?
I regret one thing
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