It's Friday. Sex?
I mean she's dancing like an epileptic patato and i'd like to slap her
I just woke up on my kitchen floor using a yellow pages as a pillow and surrounded by plants that used to be in the garden around my apt building, can't wait to see the security tapes for my eviction
Redeem this text for a blowjob
I thought she was mad at me, but then we did a pose off and I realized we're friends for life
I dont think that drinking by ourselves on a saturday night counts as being "fun alcoholics"
Granted I did fall into a pond wearing your dress, but I did save a frog in the process so I think it was worth it.
We just laid there in bed together, petting his dick and repeating, "IT FEELS LIKE VELVET!!!"
I may have had sex with him and told him we wasn't worth my time then went home and made mashed potatoes
I saw this news story about two naked Satanists being arrested so I thought I should ask if you need bail money or pants
We're keeping you on a leash this Saint Patrick's Day
You left me a drunk voicemail of you describing your pizza to me at 2 AM
He just said Bill Nye is just a dude. If I ever considered sleeping with him, I never will now.
rest in peace liver.
It was nice having you occupy space in my body that could be holding beer n chicken.
that's going in my livers obituary.
I feel like my toilet water looks different when outsiders use my bathroom...
Are you high right now?
HOW DID YOU KNOW!
Randomize
