So i banged this chick from Peru last night. Needless to say, I'm having chipotle for lunch todayas a south American reward to honor her.
last night they convinced you that a sharpie was a new style of chap stick... so when you wake up, you might want to do something about that
No jewlry, no bra, and no pen. I couldnt be more prepared for a friday morning class.
You are the patron saint of my drinking problem.
He's. Duct. Taping. His. Phone. To. The. Wall.
DUDE EDDIE MURPHY JUST DID A BODY SHOT OFF A HOOKER. IM NEVER COMING HOME
Exactly. So you're exempt under the "I can't just fuck her to make it go away" clause of 2010.
We're pretty much just dating until one of our ex's wants us back
I don't think she considers it a date unless she publicly urinates
I dont even think your gonna like what I got you for christmas. If not we can take it back and get drugs.
Where the condoms are as broken as my dreams
I can never have sex in Utah again. The altitude had me breathing like a fat kid going up stairs.
She was cute in her own little way. Shit, free taco's makes anyone hot.
First non virgin Sunday. Bursts into flames.
Idk... I'm not sure why anyone would use a flesh light in general. Let alone hook it up to a wifi device.
Randomize
