I just heard these 2 kids from flint and Detroit arguing over whose economy is worse... It's really sad what passes for competition in Michigan these days
my family just sang happy birthday to baby jesus. no ones even drunk yet
her facebook's as public as her vagina
Sometimes i wish my penis was detachable that way i could take it off sometimes so i wouldnt get into these situations
After New Year's Eve I will be hibernating my life away. Only wake me up for skiing, schnapps, and sex. In that order.
we bribed her with croutons and jello shots.
He told me the escort brought him pizza. Can something be sad and awesome at the same time ?
do we own a ladder
We do not.
then how am i on the roof
i'm sad to say... seems like women around here set up their armageddon booty calls ahead of time. wanna fill all these condoms with tequila and head downtown???
Sorry i vommed in a cup next to u w out warning.. Actually im not that sorry cuz i didn't spill a drop LIKE A PRO
I didn't think I was even that high but when we were standing in the cop car's headlights I totally forgot how to use my arms
Come get me...at gazebo by side entrance....im passed out in a bush...this is a Bar A bouncer texting for your buddy
Why were u walkin around mc with a toilet bowl lid handcuffed to u and carrying a stuffed Teddy bear last night?
One day he'll find out I do drugs and stop talking to me.
What will you do then?
Drugs, probably.
drunk boyfriend and drunk me are NOT meant for each other
Randomize
