I am currently eating pure cake frosting...I am not sure how I was ever referred to as a responsible adult.
Found a guy passed out on the coffee table with a thong duct taped from ear to ear.
He doesn't need to speak English. He needs to speak sex.
Nice. I ate a jello shot out of a bovine blow up doll's love hole last night
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I left myself a trail of jello shots, that ended at his door. OR maybe he left me a trail of jello shots at his door. DO I GO IN!?
Just explain how I got from the bar to a house I've never been in, waking up to a cop in uniform ripping a bong
I like to take my ritalin one pill at a time with each pill spaced out a couple minutes so I feel like I'm going super saiyan when they kick in.
Throwing up out both ends. This is not how I pictured adulthood.
how many times have i told you.. they dont like when you laugh during sex
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
All three of us got laid last night. This is what is commonly referred to as the Trifuckta.
No I need this job. I actually contemplated buying a vibrator with my dad's credit card the other night.
He added me to his contacts as 'boot and rally'...have you ever been more proud to be related to me?
I can't wait to tell mom.
How many times is too many times to use the word 'fuck' in my thesis?
Costco cheesecake and whisky. A night made in heaven
How many times have you told me to call 911 this week?
Lol twice
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