I fear hooking up with people who have white pillowcases because my guyliner always smears on it and i either have to A. sneak out in the night or B. wash it and see them again
She's got an ass you could write the declaration of independence on in one line. Takes up three bar stools.
you're kinda like the weird girl from The Breakfast Club after the makeover. i mean you're pretty, but you're still weird as fuck
i just threw up in the porta potty. i am in no condition to be guarding anyone's life rite now.
Well, I can't relate. I have no idea what it feels like to withhold sex. Or have self-control in general.
The stripper from Delilahs paid the desk clerk to find out my room #. Either Im doin something very right or she's doing it worng.
styled my pubes into a mustache as a surprise. Thought you should know
Cheez-its and a bottle of cab...for under $10 you could win this girls heart
Do you know how hard it is to be while you're high with a chuck Norris poster in the bathroom?
I just used a thesaurus to write a sext...
There's some random guy here dryhumping my kitchen door. If he is a friend of yours, please come and retrieve him.
He called me khaleesi while I rode his dick. He wins
its so awesome dude, its like im a magical unicorn or something
He’s over 6 feet has amazing posture and went to Harvard and has an awesome job and a great dick and loves Jesus and is an organ donor
Is this the guy you have listed as free food in your phone
Noooo he’s listed as free food #5
I just saw a chick driving drinking a juice box smoking all while on the phone that is talent
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