it was terrible. i could've done a better job by myself.
he has 3 profile pictures up and all of them are him riding jet skis
I'm at the bar and they've turned up lady gaga to cover the sound of the fire alarm.
I told him I wanted to have sex to "halleluiah", he suggested the poke-rap.
I swear if his heart was half the size of the cum stains he's left on my sheets we would have the perfect relationship
I legitimately woke up with a girl trying to snort cocaine off my dick.
btw my roommates send a round of applause to you and that guy you tried to fuck on our wall. Additionally they hope he got it in.
Seriously, I'm ready to settle for ugly and unemployed as long as he has decent hygene and likes to go down.
I just ran into the married chick you banged 2 years ago at our apt! She asked me if I could get her coke! Memories bro. Memories
The car just stinks of weed and we are all sitting here trying to hide it from my mom by rolling down the windows, like it's not coming off my sisters boyfriend
You crowd surfed from beer pong into the bathroom where you spent the rest of the night, also I have your wallet
I feel like vibrating beds are just synonymous with venereal diseases.
i mean i'm drinking free wine with lesbians and listening to sinead oconnor so i'm not sure who won that breakup
he can get married early and ruin his life but he sure as hell isn't ruining mine with a shitty bachelor party
It's a Saturday night and I am in bed with two cats, a bottle of Riesling, and I'm masturbating to Iron Man. I'm great at being 21.
Randomize
