her voice is like 435,765 daggers being simultaneously twisted into my eardrum
i'd rather just be hit by a car than answer her phone calls
Don't be mad at me. I know peeing in your drawer is 1 thing and peeing on you while you're sleeping is another, but im sorry..i love you
he asked me to help him wrap his girlfriends birthday presents. Dont worry we fucked right after.
this dude just took some girl under your house for half an hour. you may have helped a 17 year old fuck on the beach for the first time. congrats.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I will never swim in a flooded basement again..
On a lighter note, the guy I gave a lap dance to then fell asleep on his crotch just facebook friend requested me..
I think i just threw up blood. i can't chill right now;
Grandma can hear your bong from the living room, please be more quiet. Love mom.
Lest we forget our veterans. Also that two years ago I lost my virginity on this day in a hot tub. Go me for being the worst person on earth.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Thank god for federal credentials. Waaaaayyyy to hungover to go through airport security lines right now.
The bad news is I fucked my exes girlfriend. The good news is I100% understand why he left me
I'm moving out of my place and I just gave my mom a couch that I had sex on last night. Reduce, reuse, recycle at its best.
I got your flops too. But yeah you rolled off your raft a bunch of times so we had to ask the white trash squad to help you back on. You bit one of them
you seriously don't remember..? but then again, you were taking shots by yourself for like 30mins
How naked do you want me to be?
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