Do you want the good news or bad news first?
bad news
The bad news is i thew up on your bed, the good news is i found out who ate your cheetos.
I woke up to 'call me' written in red lipstick on my chest. Thats the hottest/sluttiest thing ever. I win at LIFE!
I woke up in my own vomit, a chunk of cactus in my thigh, shirtless, with jons mom poking at me with a glass of dr pepper and a talk about god....damn alcohol
I left my toothbrush at her house. This is getting way too serious for me.
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gave you a haircut while you slept. Please don't kill me.
he told me not to treat him like a child and then started peeing off the trampoline
It took him three days to realize his roommate had moved out.
Also I spent like 2 hours on the hubble/nasa website sunday night looking at pictures of outer space and cried my face off at how beautiful and complex it is. What's wrong with me?!
I'm drinking too much free beer
Thats like saying one owns too many kittens. It's not possible.
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life lesson #151: dont let people go batshit crazy and stab you in the knee
i will live by this rule
Well we were going to compare notes, but all I could remember was throwing up, and all she could remember was kissing, so then we decided to not compare anything.
Just traded a shot of whiskey for a warm PBR on public transit. It's that's sort of night already.
Yep, that just happened. My mom just gave me a big bag of drugs for my birthday. She even put them in a fancy bag with tissue paper.
I wish our county sheriff had a comment section for their mugshots.
not sure what the chiropractor did but my junk deserves a cape now.
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