you need to not memorize your credit card number for drunk pizza
It's kind of hard to say bye to you when you fall asleep on the bar..
My sister hid me from my parents, brought me a bloody mary, and told my girlfriend I was out with my dad. For 13, I got to say she's working out pretty good.
The bouncer called to give me my shoes back when I got there he said " I'm all cool with fuvking bitches but when you try to to do it in my bar on the pool table you're gonna get chocked out every time"
At least you got your shooes
We lost power at midnight which freaked out my roomate and friends. The power came back on 30 minutes later. We are now at the bar having "the rapture came and we were left behind" shots
True idk how my parents didn't know I was blackout. I ate like 4 pieces of cheesecake and showed my cousins my boobs
It was kicking off big time until you crawled out the bar on your hands and knees. Nobody wanted to mess with that.
So a guy died and our dates revived him with CPR. Good night?
I'm like going proud parent over you doing drugs, this is so wrong.
I should become a firefighter. Who uses his cock to fight fires. Like a Superhero.
also I can check "jump into a moving car" off my bucket list if that tells you how tonight is going
My booty call is in the theater watching Deadpool right now. Never though comics would work against me.
I think the pizza guy was in shock..
Well I didn't mean to answer the door only in socks but I mean come on, 4 hours of sex works up an appetite! I WAS RAVENOUS
It was a strange night. I made out with his college roommate and said "do you care?" beforehand.
I told him I hooked up with his best friend. And then he ate me out. I'm just THAT GOOD.
Randomize
