I haven't worn deodorant in like three days and have been laying around in my underwear listening to music and drinking. I think i've made my own Bonnaroo in my apartment.
she started talking about my kids
was she topless?
he was like Britney Spears in bed.. a little chubby and too medicated to perform.
Be careful there's warming lubricant on the floor. I will clean and explain later.
check off brunette on the list of girls tht hit me with there cars and then fucked me later
Just got a picture message from my sister of the two of us wearing cowboy hats and pressing our bare asses together. Do you remember enough to explain?
Ya these assholes wanted to like sit around and eat cupcakes and watch the notebook. I was like fuck you, I want to go make some people uncomfortable in public.
my mom found me passed out in the kitchen floor with the Brita pitcher.. Happy Mothers Day
There are two types of people in this world I don't trust: people who collect stamps, and people who don't drink
On a separate note, I just found out some condoms aren't vegan. Problem.
Hahahaha I can't wait for you to ask "wait. are there any animal by products in that?"
How's everyone else's ass tattoo today?
P.s. I wore your shirt today and it has your blood all over it, but I am at a funeral home and they are using embalming fluid to get your blood stains out right now.
Maybe? I'm not shaving my pubes for a maybe type of night.
I'm SO high. And there is so much pudding in this car
dude, next time you say lets go on an adventure, tell me if there are going to be psychotrophics involved before hand.
Randomize
