Your face is a jimmy john
You told me to hold on because you had to barf like a dinosaur.
you know it's time to start studying when you've procrastinated to the point where you're reading your roommate's ex-boyfriend's wall posts from 2006.
Even my psychiatrist thinks I should fuck the married guy.
It's like a puppy that we have to take care of at all times or else she'll get sad, lonely, and chew on the furniture. And by 'chew on the furniture', I mean have anonymous sex.
Uh no. you let me handle it. trust me: I can paint the Mona Lisa in tints of bitch.
You mAke me stone. Stone fuck fucking stoned. I'm an stoned you cuz now fucking stoned stoned fucking stoned I stone.
They've taken all the lighthearted fun out of S&M.
I just wish he'd leave so I can vomit in peace.
please let it be arousing that I used numbers to figure out how well I'd give you head
Only I could turn my one night stands into class essays. Go me.
so like
i may have gotten a little bit of blood in the charging port of my phone
we just got sex advice from a midget. You better fucking get here.
why is there glitter IN my vagina????
I was about to break it off with him because I realised he only wanted me for sex, until I realised that I only wanted HIM for sex. Win/win
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