i'm out of smokes so i just had an after sex popsicle. this might become an addiction.
I can’t believe the potential orgy I left behind at Waffle House.
Remember when we were trying to guess how many people could fit in my shower? The answer is 7
its like think what a normal person would think but completely the opposite.
There's an old bald Japanese dude on the metra next to me. He's drinking MGD on a crowded train, and rocking out way too hard to what may be the same Dallas Green song I'm listening to. Life is sweet.
Ok...drunk girls at the bar are charging $1 for motorboating. It's fucking WEDNESDAY. I never want to leave.
Walked into the bar with my burrito and ordered a round of shots for everyone. Not sure if I want to look at the credit card statement.
I've slipped into the part of my life where I am not having sex to get Phils tickets from this chick. I need to seriously rethink my life decisions
Just read 119 best sex positions. I wanna try 107 of them. Can I put you down for 50?
A 74 year old man offered to let me sleep on his pull out couch last night.
Let us ponder on the good times. Ya know when the Jonas brothers were incapable of growing facial hair and I didn't fully understand what a dick looks like
Willing booties have sort of a tractor beam for me.
I mean, it's a romantic picture of pubes if I've ever seen one
Literally I woke up the other day and the girl part of me was like “GET CUFFED MOTHERFUCKER” and I went ham on tinder.
he broke off the kiss to ask "can I grab your boob?" like props for asking for clear and concise consent but there HAS to be a sexier way to do it
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