I want to snug with you.
You want my snuggie?
It's fine actually... I'm pretty sure he had the crookedest weiner in the world anyway.
Like he had it hanging in the wind and you just decided, "nope, I don't think that one's for me." ????
God no! I could just feel it. His clock said it was 8:00 when, clearly, it should have been midnight.
I found the TV remote. It was in the washing machine along with the chicken wings you kept complaining to Domino's about that they 'never delivered'
you need to know that there is a kid here wearing an i mosh for Jesus shirt
I KNOW you don't honestly think you can pay me back in lotto tickets.
His internet history had "Disney Porn" on it.
my mom found all the used condoms in my bed side table
whatd she say to you?
no words- put them all in a circle, put the bible in the middle
Ok I might come if this chair quits being so great...I'm also seeing this bush in the corner turn into a witch
As I sit on the toilet at 4 am I realize tonight could have gone a lot better
Man, I want to make his penis a sandwich.
Love you too. There are very few people I let pee in my dishwasher.
I just noped my wife on Tinder. Turns out I was the second one to find out that we both have it.
A friendship for the ages born on how horny we both are
Executive decision.... we are cuddling naked
Yeah I knew you'd like him. He's emotionally and physically self destructive.
We would have so much to talk about!
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