she asked me if the dress made her look fat, i told her no - the fat made her look fat.
I woke up to a bunch of college seniors jacking off a horse in my face. Geuss who didnt move in time?
I just won unlimited hot dogs for life. I'm so glad I smoked
Keep in mind that he's 43, unemployed and living with his parents. There's really not much we could do to make his life worse.
Thank you for holding my bra last night while i did a topless lap around the house
I woke him up and he was mumbling something about it being moist, or he peed himself but it was okay.
Finally put clothes on I've been laying naked in the bed for approximately 4 hours since I showered and by showered I mean when I laid down in the bathtub with the shower on
just threw up what i'm pretty sure look like contents of a lava lamp
I'm so in the Halloween spirit, I zombified my all of my nudes on my phone. Tell me this isn't creative.
The trashcan full of everclear punch caught on fire...you should probably come home now.
I'm getting better, this year I only showed up drunk to 1 final.
He was awful. Hubby's was apparently epic. I suck at swinging.
So apparently, after 11 beers, 2 pitchers of sangria and 3 rhum & cokes, the idea of popping a load of MD and jumping on the trampoline, in the woods, in my underwear was the best one ever.
friends who go to the bar together leave the bar together and im not leaving you behind ohana means family
I want to find him again. His Corona tank top and I were made for each other.
Randomize
