My dad just sent me a text telling me to "say hi to all the luscious bitches" at the gay bar. Guess this explains my childhood
so, my congressman just called me to say he has office hours this week if i'm still interested in talking to him. i pray to god this is not related to Friday.
Also we decided you're the person whose going to die at my bachelor party...do the math you're the most logical choice
I put bits of fruit cocktail in the jello shots i made because i knew that they were gonna be the only thing we ate all day
yeah, we figured out that passing a joint between cars was a pretty bad idea
Oh and I found some acid for the drive back to school, productive day
I'm helping my Mormon ex boyfriend from high school embrace his inner cross dresser. This is truly god's work.
I'm not so good at organized events that don't revolve around whiskey or playgrounds.
I was changing in front of my window and my neighbor text me saying, "nice pubes."
I might have been the first person to be rolling balls at a referee seminar
I like making it seem like it's at least a little bit difficult to hook up with me
Xanax and full house Tuesday is now Percocet Sunday
You were trust falling into bushes
I think that maybe Alyssa may of had too much to drink. is it normal for her to straddle random people in quizno's?
Shes yelled my World of Warcraft name when we were having sex, I think marriage is next.
Randomize
