Booty call?
Dude you don't even follow my twitter
He told us that was the only place he could get service when we found him in the closet passed out with a beer
i knew it was going to be a good night when i was bleeding, licked it and it tasted like miller light
So you had sex with my brother?
It sounds like you dont need me to answer that.
I dont know how to respond to your rave picture. I mean yeah, he's hot, but it just seems wrong to be like "Please tell me you fucked that guy with the pacifier!"
its like the body should be a temple but we treat it like a kmart
Trust me. I don't get home before 5am. I know what Immmm doing. BTW bail money is in my closet. PEACE
I have 4 passes to the spa here, walking around with a robe on and putting cucumber slices on my penis. You guys should come hang out here. It's very relaxing
The 3 year old I'm babysitting is the first guy to tell me he loves me sober in like 2 years
Are you still feeling it? I'm in the bathtub. The water doesn't work but it's okay because I'm wearing pants.
I don't fucking know. I'm out stimulating the economy. Not locked in a room with a marker board.
Oh at the liquor store again?
How do you get kicked out of 3 different Subways in one night..
Not very gracefully, that's how.
After you finished the $300 bottle of wine you just started crying about how if Mulder and Scully didn't invite you to join the x-files your life would be meaningless because you "love that weird shit"
I am still worried she'll have a seizure durring. What would I do? Try to ride it out and finish, or pull out and assist?
Accidentally mixed my gin with cold brew coffee instead of cranberry juice. It’s bad. But I’ll finish it. Never leave a fallen soldier.
Randomize
