tfor prom could you pick me up wo bottles of champagne and a condom, please?
I left when they started reinacting what appeared to be a jerry springer episode
My BOSS just pulled out a box of Christmas stuff labeled reefs.
these 2 russian guys walked past me and i got freaked out because i thought call of duty got real
i wrote down the address for planned parenthood on the back of the receipt for the condom that broke
Yikes. I usually have a 24-hour waiting period between sex partners. You know, like for a handgun.
Now that I'm hitting my bong, I realized I haven't missed something so much in a long time. I love Thomas the Dank Engine.
All I remember is intermittent flashes of being passed out on the side of the road 3 or 4 different times. And telling him to just leave me there and I would walk home in the morning.
Liquor doesn't fix sad, but it sure as hell lowers my standards for a rebound.
he's dressing as a chick for halloween. of course i'm gonna make him get his legs professionally waxed. how is this even a question?
I got into the shower with my underwear on. I just sat down in the tub and tried to figure out when I lost all control of this hangover.
Dont judge the spank bank, just be happy that you were deposited there.
I was chasing pulls of fireball with bites of a bagel and yelling at people to take tequila shots with me. I shouldn't be allowed to go out alone.
I think I've been there, but who knows? I drink a lot
I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but yours is no longer the biggest penis I've seen. It is however, still the prettiest.
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